What it is
With everyday stress, facing the challenge builds confidence. This is the healthy cycle:
Is it Everyday Stress or Problematic Anxiety?
Anxiety is a normative, adaptive response that helps one to prepare for action in the face of potential harm. Most children experience some level of anxiety in response to everyday stress. The experience of everyday stress may not equate with having an anxiety disorder. Differentiating between everyday stress and an anxiety disorder depends on the intensity and duration of the anxiety, how much control the child has over the anxiety, and how much the anxiety interferes with the child’s functioning across life domains. If the child experiences low levels of anxiety, is able to quickly move on from the anxiety, and continues to function in all life domains, they likely do not have an anxiety disorder. For example, a child may feel nervous about an upcoming school test. This motivates the child to study for the test. Although he feels some anxiety during the test, he is able to concentrate and complete the test. After the test is over, he does not perseverate on how well he did and is able to enjoy his usual activities. In contrast, a child with an anxiety disorder may experience high levels of anxiety prior to the test. He may attempt to avoid the test altogether due to fear of failure. During the test, he likely has difficulty concentrating and completing the test due to his worries and fears. After the test, the child remains upset and unable to move onto other activities due to perseverating over his test performance.
Youth who experience everyday stress may benefit from the same tools and techniques used by youth with anxiety disorders. It may be helpful for youth who experience high levels of stressful situations to learn adaptive skills for managing stress in order to prevent the development of an anxiety disorder.
Symptoms
Symptoms of everyday stress may include:
- Worrying about tests or grades in school, but generally is able to move on and still enjoys activities and free time without interference from worry.
- Missing mom and dad or home when away for a few days or a week or longer (like at summer camp or teen tour), but able to get through the time with friends and fun.
- Feels anxious to start a new school year or new program, or go to a new event where they might not know too many other kids or know what to expect, but still goes and ends up making the best of it.
- Feels anxious to say hello to kids they don't already know, or to speak or perform in public, but ends up doing it and makes the best of it.
- Having trouble sleeping alone or sleeping through the night, but while they struggle from time to time, they generally get back on schedule.
Is it Time to Seek Treatment?
Having trouble deciding if it is time to seek treatment? A basic guideline is to think of (A) Intensity, (B) Frequency, (C) Interference and (D) Duration:
- Is the anxiety getting in the way of your child’s day-to-day activities or school functioning?
- Is it difficult to make new friends, keep friends, or enjoy time with friends?
- What about family relationships? Is anxiety making things tense at home where people are getting into arguments or feeling like they have to “work around” the anxiety?
- Finally, how much is it bothering your child? Does he seem very distressed because the anxiety is intense? Is your child noticing how difficult things are in different situations? Is it hard for your child to stop feeling anxious or to distract once it starts?
Free tools
Finding help
Get treatment with our team
The OCD & Anxiety Institute, founded by Dr. Muniya Khanna, offers evaluation and CBT with exposure for kids, teens, and young adults with anxiety and OCD, in person in Berwyn, PA and by video across Pennsylvania.
Find a provider
Looking for care in person or outside of Pennsylvania? Start with a directory below.
Referral NetworkCoping Cat trained clinicians worldwideSearch by location or specialtyFind a clinician →
If you are unable to find a treatment provider through these or other websites, you can:
- Contact the psychiatry department at a local medical school or a university psychology department.
- Contact your county mental health department, a local hospital, or a community mental health center and ask about mental health clinics or staff psychiatrists.
- Search through your insurance company for local behavioral health or psychiatry providers.
- Search the American Psychological Association provider database.
Disclaimer: We do not endorse the references or providers listed. We list available resources as a service.
Books
Books for kids
A reading list for children and teens, organized by age.
Reading level 4 to 8 10 books
- First Day Jittersby Julie Danneberg. Whispering Coyote Press, 2000.
- Wemberly Worriedby Kevin Henkes. Greenwillow Books, 2010.
- Scary Night Visitors: A Story for Children with Bedtime Fearsby Irene Wineman Marcus, Paul Marcus, & Susan Jesche. Magination Press, 1990.
- I Don’t Know Why…I Guess I’m Shy: A Story About Taming Imaginary Fearsby Barbara Cain & J. J. Smith-Moore. Magination Press, 2000.
- Into the Great Forest: A Story for Children Away from Parents for the First Timeby Irene Wineman Marcus. Magination Press, 1992.
- Night Light: A Story for Children Afraid of the Darkby Jack Dutro & Kenneth Boyle. Magination Press, 1991.
- Cat’s Got Your Tongue? A Story for Children Afraid to Speakby Charles E. Schaefer & Judith Friedman. Magination Press, 1992.
- Outsmart Your Worry Tool Kit for Kids, Ages 5-11by Tool Kits for Kids, LLC, 2008.
- Lions Aren’t Scared of Shots: A Story for Children About Visiting the Doctorby Howard J. Bennett. Magination Press, 2007.
- Sometimes I’m Scaredby Jane Annunziata & Marc Nemiroff. Magination Press, 2009.
Reading level 9 to 12 8 books
- Nobody’s Perfect: A Story for Children about Perfectionismby Ellen Flanagan Burns. Magination Press, 2009.
- What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxietyby Dawn Huebner. Magination Press, 2006.
- What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming OCDby Dawn Huebner. Magination Press, 2007.
- Up and Down the Worry Hill: A Children’s Book about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and its Treatmentby Aureen Pinto Wagner & Paul A. Jutton. Lighthouse Press, Inc., 2004.
- I Bet I Won’t Fret: A Workbook to Help Children With Generalized Anxiety Disorderby T.A. Sisemore. New Harbinger, 2008.
- Outsmart Your Worry Tool Kit for Kids, Ages 11-18by Tool Kits for Kids, LLC, 2009.
- Kissing Doorknobsby Terry Spencer Hesser. Laurel Leaf, 1999.
- Blink, Blink, Clop, Clop: Why We Do Things We Can’t Stopby E. Katia Moritz. Weston Press, 2011.
For teens 5 books
- My Anxious Mind: A Teen’s Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panicby Michael A. Tompkins, Katherine A. Martinez, & Michael Sloan. Magination Press, 2009.
- Outsmart Your Worry Tool Kit for Kids, Ages 11-18by Tool Kits for Kids, LLC, 2009.
- Free From OCD: A Workbook for Teens With Obsessive Compulsive Disorderby T.A. Sisemore, 2010.
- Perfectionism: What’s Bad About Being Too Goodby Miram Adderholdt & Jan Goldberg. Free Spirit Publishing, 1999.
- Talking Back to OCD: The Program That Helps Kids and Teens Say "No Way", and Parents Say "Way to Go"by John March, 2006.
Books for parents & caregivers
Books to empower those who support children and teens.
Anxiety 11 books
- The Resilience Recipeby Muniya Khanna & Philip Kendall (2021). New Harbinger Press.
- You and Your Anxious Child: Free Your Child from Fears and Worries and Create a Joyful Family Lifeby Anne Marie Albano, with Leslie Pepper. A Lynn Sonberg Book with Avery/Penguin Press, 2013.
- The Coping Cat: Parent Companionby Philip C. Kendall, Jennifer Podell, & Erika Gosch. Workbook Publishing, 2010.
- The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World Overwhelms Themby Elaine Aron. Three Rivers Press, 2002.
- Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries and Phobiaby Tamar Chansky. Broadway Books, 2004.
- Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happinessby Tamar Chansky. Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2008.
- Your Anxious Child: How Parents and Teachers Can Relieve Anxiety in Childrenby John Dacey & Lisa Fiore. Jossey-Bass, 2001.
- Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parentsby Andrew R. Eisen, Linda B. Engler, & Joan Sparrow. New Harbinger Publications, 2006.
- The Worried Child: Recognizing Anxiety in Children and Helping Them Healby Paul Foxman. Hunter House, 2004.
- Help for Worried Kids: How Your Child Can Conquer Anxiety & Fearby Cynthia Last. Guilford Press, 2006.
- Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parentsby Ronald Rapee, Susan Spence, Vanessa Cobham, & Ann Wignall. New Harbinger Publications, 2008.
OCD 3 books
- Freeing Your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: A Powerful, Practical Program for Parents of Children and Adolescentsby Tamar Chansky. Three Rivers Press, 2001.
- OCD in Children and Adolescents: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Manualby John S. March & Karen Mulle. Guilford Press, 1998.
- What to Do When Your Child Has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Strategies and Solutionsby Aureen Pinto Wagner. Lighthouse Press, 2002.
